


Of Snakes and Pizza (Nagastuck)

by Tuiteyfruity



Series: Nagastuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, No one dies and everyone is happy don’t worry, Soft Vore, Vore, dave rose and roxy are referenced, dirkjake - Freeform, jane sort of makes an appearence, nagastuck, safe vore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-15 23:44:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7243600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tuiteyfruity/pseuds/Tuiteyfruity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Safe, soft, not sexual vore for a very polite anon on tumblr who wanted DirkJake.<br/>So, DirkJake Nagastuck vore (similar size)</p><p>Need I say more? oh, it's a fun story and I had fun writing it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Snakes and Pizza (Nagastuck)

Well fuck. 

Dirk had gotten lost. Who the fuck lives in a mansion in the forest and orders a pizza??! Surely the illustrious Lalondes have a personal chef? Of course, all the delivery boys had jumped for the job, the Lalondes were also known for being philanthropists, and leaving big tips at restaurants. Dirk needed the extra cash. 

He had taken a short cut to ensure the pizza was still hot when delivered. Was it worth getting lost? Was it worth falling off his bike and not being able to find it? Probably not, since you can collect a tip if you don't deliver the pizza, or if you were dead. 

Dead? Yeah... That's sort of what he'd be if the Naga caught him. 

 

Jake was sleeping restlessly. He hadn’t eaten in what? One week? Two weeks? Three!? He had lost count. There was just nothing to be found in his territory for some reason. Had the animals gotten smart and fled? No… he saw animals, even large ones, deer, mountain lions, but somehow he hadn’t managed to catch one, and squirrels and rodents weren’t filling in the least, and chasing them down took way too much energy for such small return. 

He wasn’t exclusively carnivorous, but it was hard to find edible plant material in a conifer forest, it was fairly barren in that. So when the lost human came wandering by his favorite sunning rock, it was like a gift sent from the naga gods. Humans were slow, humans had no claws or teeth!

Easy food. Right?

Wrong.

Was this thing not a human? It was unnaturally fast, even though he was gaining on it. It smelled like a human. Jake couldn’t really tell if it looked like one, it was blurry. No matter, so they would play their little chasing game, Jake loved games, no matter how hungry he was, and a whole human would be worth it. 

It did irritate him that the human could navigate the forest better than he could, being smaller. However he knew the forest, and it did not. 

Lost was the least of his worries now as he ran through bushes and brambles, dodging trees. The monster was large, he could hear that as its weight crushed through the same foliage that slowed him down. He could never outrun the snake, not with the pizzas in his hand. Dropping them wasn’t what Dirk wanted to do, but they he was determined to live. 

Pizzas gone. 

Well that hadn’t worked, he wasn’t that much faster, not by naga standards

The human was faster than Jake had anticipated. Humans were supposed to be slow! This was supposed to be an easy meal! Life just wouldn't let him catch a break, it was gonna make him work for it. So be it. 

This was getting ridiculous, when Jake nearly banged his head on a tree branch he figured out why. His eyes. They were terrible and for some reason he had tried hunting using them. He closed his eyes, listened, and smelled. The human was near. Well, something warm was near, something very warm, and very fragrant. 

And very not solid! He had barely touched the warm tower??? Whatever, and it toppled, into flat but still angular pieces. It still smelled good, though felt strangely solid, so he picked it up, and bit a corner of one of the objects. Ugh, his ears flattened down his neck in disgust. It was warm, but it was dry and tasteless, the human had obviously put this here to slow him down. 

Did a branch just snap? His ears perked up, focused. He closed his eyes again, and was able to discern the smell of the human even with the pungent squares surrounding him. It was still nearby, maybe his luck was changing. Slowly, carefully, he slithered away from the bogus heat. 

It had gone for the pizzas? Maybe his luck was changing. Dirk had hidden, hoping the naga was somehow run by him, and he could run back, grab the pizzas, and keep running. A plan that hinged on the naga not stopping. But it had stopped, and Dirk saw his opportunity and ran for it. Well, he didn't exactly run. 

The human wasn't running? It was sneaking away, clearly trying not to be heard, but Jake had already heard it. He stalked it, carefully getting closer and closer while the human gradually dropped its guard with every moment. It did not noticed Jake until it was too late.

AHA! It had been a good chase and now Jake was rewarded for his efforts, and he took no time in sliding his prize feet first into his gaping mouth. No opportunities for it to kick his fangs. His impatience meant it still had clothes on, but he was so hungry he didn't care, his saliva soaked his prey quickly. He hadn't even bothered suffocating it before eating it. It screamed but he could deal with that since humans were smaller and less sharp than deer or wild cats, and all he had to do was hold its arms against its sides and swallow greedily. 

Pity it was so small, he thought as its head disappeared into his mouth as he re-hinged his jaw, lay on his side to stretch and lick his teeth and lips. He had enjoyed how it felt squirming in his mouth and throat. Not that he was complaining at the satisfying, living weight sitting snug in his upper stomach. 

The distension was more than a little noticeable, which made Jake smile. He watched the surface of his skin move slightly as the human continued to struggle.

"It is futile, human, I caught you!" He gloated. The movement stopped abruptly, had it died suddenly? He had been enjoying its liveliness. 

"Holy fuck you could speak this whole time?" came the voice of the human, wanting for air. Not dead. Yet. Was it angry?

"Yes, is that important?" asked Jake, not completely sure why he was responding to it. 

"Can you let me go?"

Jake sat up. 

That wasn't an answer, the human didn't sound angry anymore. It was scared, because it was going to die. But so would he, if he didn't eat it!

"N-no! I can't!" Jake said. 

"What if I offer you something?" 

"There is nothing you have that I want."

This was a lie. The truth was he could think of many things he wanted from a human. Humans had lots of cool stuff, trinkets, jewelry, funny hats. If he wasn't so desperate for food, he might have considered it.

"What about pizza?" said the human.

"I don't know what that is."

"It's food!"

"I already have that, you are food, and you'll last long enough until I can get more," Jake said confidently and proud. "And I need food now, you certainly don't have this "pizza" with you"

"No, but it is nearby! Those boxes you found!"

"I tried to eat those, they are not food," he said stubbornly. Crossing his hands over his chest, which pushed down on the human. 

"You- ok did you open the boxes?"

No... He hadn't. 

Dirk suspected the foolish Naga had just bitten a box, getting a mouthful of cardboard. As amusing as this image was, his attention was on the fact that he had been caught, had been eaten, and he was now in the Naga's stomach waiting to die. By some miracle he was still alive and it hasn't digested him yet, and he could tell it was considering his proposal. This naga might not be the brightest, or it was just gonna eat the pizzas along with him. Dirk knew that the Naga was better off eating him, the 7 pizzas would last the naga a a few days, they were mostly empty carbs, while he would last much longer. 

The more he thought about it, he should have been caught way sooner. He hadn't seen how big the thing was until it was on top of him. It was massive, just it's torso alone was as tall as he was, he tried to estimate how long the body and tail must be. This was a big monster. A big and fast monster, weakened to the point where he had almost gotten away.

Something was happening, the muscles around him were moving! No no no! He squirmed but with such limited space it was useless, and it was getting tighter 

The suddenly something took hold of his shirt and pulled. Cold air hit his face and arms and he could breath easier. Blinking he looked down at the open mouth of the Naga, stretched out grotesquely, his legs still in its throat. He could see long fangs flanking three oversized incisors. The fangs were tucked against the roof of the monster's mouth and Drink could see that would fit nicely alongside the molars had those not been pulled away. His legs were soon free too, even though the naga still held him. 

It's face put itself back together with a few small clicks. Somehow it was more eerie now that it looked more human. It looked at him right in the eyes. It's eyes were dark emerald green, with pointed elliptical pupils, a lot of apprehension shown in those eyes. It was trusting him that there was food, that it was safe to release its catch, but it was smart enough not to actually let him go. Dirk glanced around quickly, he could tell the Naga’s scales were as green as its eyes, but they had a different shine to them, especially closer to its underbelly and where it transitioned into warm brown skin at the human abdomen. Those scales were multicolored. Next to the naga were the pizza boxes, all neatly stacked, but not open. 

"Do you need my help?" he asked tentatively.

"No!" 

No he did not need this human's help. He set the human down next to him, still firmly grasping one of its arms to keep it from running. Of course, he needed to arms to investigate the boxes. A flick of his wrist and the human was face down in the dirt and stunned for long enough that jake could pin him under a small section of his serpent body. There. 

With an open box before him he took the strange round, floppy, flat thing out, human food was so strange. He licked it. Salt and grease hit his palate with an intensity of flavor he had not known possible.

The things the naga did to the pizzas were criminal. It was ravenous! It would throw away the plastic pizza table, roll up each pie and swallow it whole. And Dirk still feared the pizzas might just be an appetizer, and he the main course, was still gonna end up as dinner. The naga ate every last pizza, and licked its claws of the grease before gathering all the pizza boxes and lying on them like they were pillows. All this without freeing Dirk from underneath his tail. It's eyes were closed, and it's breathing slowed. 

Shit, it had fallen asleep. Why him? He wasn’t dead but he was going to get fired he just knew it. No one would believe him that he almost got eaten by a naga. Not that they don’t believe they exist, they aren’t magical, just rare, especially since they aren’t native to this part of the world. The only naga any of his coworkers might even be aware of would be Jane Crocker, who was a plump naga with a baking show, quite the sensation.  
Dirk remembered he had a few episodes on his phone. He had no reception, but maybe it had survived a trip into the naga’s stomach. 

“What’s that!?” 

Dirk yelped, the naga’s face had appeared next to his, and it was looking at his phone. He had been so engrossed in the show that he hadn’t noticed, he was just not aware tonight, and he felt a bit scared because of it. The naga was moving, Dirk could feel and see the body moving. It strategically moved to get him wrapped in a coil, tight enough that he was stuck, but not squeezing the life out of him. 

The torso of the naga was on his left, it was warmer than the body, and covered in short hair, coarse and black like the hair on the nagas head. 

There wasn’t really a way to explain what TV was, so he just held the screen off to the side so the naga could see. 

It’s eyes widened to the point where Dirk could watch the show from the reflection. 

“Who is she?” it asked. 

“That’s Jane Crocker”

“Jane Crocker… What’s she doing?”

“She’s baking a swiss roll,” Dirk answered, predicting the next question. 

“What is a swiss roll?”

“I don’t know, i’ve never seen one, why don’t we find out together?”

The naga nodded and proceeded relax, putting it’s head in it’s arms as lay folded over it’s own coil. It didn’t talk for the rest of the show until,

“Is she, is she a naga like me?” it asked. 

It must be hard to see on a screen that was the equivalent size of a domino.

“She is,” Dirk said. 

“But, she’s so small!”

The height she held herself up to made her look the size of the average american pro football player in height and build, but yeah, compared to this hulking being she was small. 

“Maybe you’re just big, um, do you have a name?”

“Of course I do! It’s Jake, Jake English,” maybe that explained why he could speak it, “you?”

“Dirk Strider,”

“Sorry I almost ate you, Dirk, but to be fair, I was really hungry,” said Jake as if he hadn’t nearly killed Dirk but instead had only eaten all the pizza.

The episode ended.

“That’s it?” the naga sounded distressed. 

“That was just one episode, there are 20 episodes a season, and so far, 5 seasons” Dirk instantly regretted saying this. 

“Can we watch another? Can we watch them all?”

Saying No to the naga seemed like a bad idea but Dirk was tired, he had delivered no pizzas, he had been chased through the forest. So he lied.

“We can’t, I only have one episode,” he said.

“Can you get more?” 

Ok maybe Jake was sort of smart. And his hopeful voice gave Dirk hope too. 

“Yeah, I can,”

“And more pizza?” 

“Sure buddy,” he said. What was he promising to do? Had he just promised to see the naga again? Oh boy. 

“Y- You promise?” the coils tightened around Dirk possessively. 

“I promise.”

fuck 

The coils loosened, and Dirk was free. He took and pocketed his phone, when he remembered, he was lost. 

“You wouldn’t happen to know where the nearest road is, do you?”

Jake smiled and picked Dirk up, and carried him piggy back style to a road. The entire way he didn't shut up about the cooking show and the things he learned from it and how he looked forward to Dirk's return so he could watch more. Jake also complained that he couldn’t see the screen well, and Dirk had to apologize for his phone being too small, since he hadn’t exactly purchased it for a giant naga to use. 

He not only made it back to the road, the naga was able to find his bike, somehow using Dirk’s scent, like a bloodhound. 

Bruised, sticky, and pizza-less, Dirk took off down the road. He looked behind him briefly, for a moment, between the trees, two round emeralds flashed at him before disappearing. 

\---

Not fired, not in trouble. Probably looking like he had been through a hurricane helped make his case. So why, a few days later, was he riding back down that abandoned road with pizzas he himself had paid for but wasn’t going to eat? He owed the naga nothing for letting him live, Dirk had felt pretty damn good about managing to negotiate his release. Breaking a promise he made, even to a man eating monster, would have made him feel like shit. He dismounted his bike around where he thought he had fallen last time, leaning it up against a tree. 

WHAM!

Something solid slammed into him, his glasses flew off, and he, along with whatever it was, tumbled into the trees and bushes. When they stopped he found himself pressed against Jake’s chest in the strongest hug he’d ever had. 

“You came back!” Jake exclaimed, with absolute delight. 

“I promised you didn’t I?” Dirk said, oh this was a tight hug. 

“I’m thought you were saying anything to get away from me” said Jake.

No question that's what he had done!

“If you stop hugging me, I brought more pizza,” he managed to say with his remaining air, thankfully Jake let go and he fell to the ground and headed for Dirk’s bike, which had the pizzas strapped to the back. Along the way, Dirk snatched up his shades, they were unscathed. 

“Woah dude, slow down!” said Dirk, as Jake proceeded to eat an entire pizza without even biting it. Last time Dirk hadn’t said anything, but good pizza needed to be appreciated! 

“You don’t eat it like that, you got to enjoy it more, i’ll show you,” Dirk opened another box and took a slice, cheese strings dragging at the two next to it, “of course, you should probably use more than one slice, but watch,” he held the crust and took a bite of the pointed end, and chewed dramatically so that it was clear that was part of the process. 

Jake mimicked this, his eyes lighting up at the first bite. He quickly finished all the pizzas. 

Now he was eying Dirk, and while Dirk normally wouldn't complain about attracting the gaze of someone handsome, he was getting a bad feeling. Human instinct would be to run, but like last time, Dirk's normally lightning fast instincts seemed to go on the fritz. Something about Jake. And the Naga had surrounded him now, like being in gaga pit made of giant snake. 

"I have an idea," said Jake, nervous, like he was about to ask Dirk on a date. 

The hell you do, thought Dirk, "does it involve me becoming dessert?" 

"Only if I catch you. Our game of chase last time was fun, what do you say we play again?"

"Just to be clear, if I lose, you aren't going to kill me."

"No. I mean yes, I won't, kill you. I won't kill you, because then we wouldn't get to hang out again." 

"And what do I get if I win?" asked Dirk

"Uh, that hadn't occurred to me," jake said, "I guess you just, don't get eaten?"

Pushing up his glasses, Dirk grinned, "game on then," and he leap over Jake's body and sprinted away. 

\---

"I win again!" said Jake, with a fanged smile. Dirk had come in the evening and there was still some light out. However it was hard to see anything of Jake except for his white fangs and glassy eyes reflecting the remaining light. He held Dirk coiled in his tail before throwing him a few feet into air and catching him in a hug. 

"Yes you did," Dirk wheezed, the wind had been knocked out of him. 

"Do I get my pizza? Can I pick the toppings this time??! Can it be deep dish?" 

"Dude a month ago you didn't know what a pizza was!" 

"So I have to try every kind, and I haven't had deep dish yet." 

A sound argument. Deep dish pizza was more expensive, Dirk wasn't sure he could afford that. Still... Better his money be used to fill Jake's belly then an unlucky delivery boy. He had no doubts that Jake would still eat a human if he got that desperate again. And damn if he couldn't resist that face, eyes like fucking Bambi. 

"i have a special surprise this time Jake," Dirk announced.

"If you say belly rubs I warn you I was planning on getting those already," said Jake. 

"Yeah I bet you were, as if I didn't notice you salivating the moment you saw me" Dirk sneered, it was rare that their meetings didn't end with him getting eaten, but belly rubs were special. "No, this is different,"

Dirk held out a large maroon box and opened it. 

Jake gasped. It looked like Dirk’s phone, but was bigger! Just the right size for him. He didn't know how Dirk could have gotten one, why would humans make a phone too big to fit in their pockets?

Thank god for iPads, thought Dirk, as he showed Jake how to use it, and to adjust the size of the icons so they were bigger. He had made sure to download a few apps, game, tv shows, and movies while he had internet, before bringing it to Jake. And though he couldn’t really afford it, he convinced Dave to loan him some money and get a solar powered charger, well the parts for one. He’d have to show Jake how to use that too. 

But that would have to wait, since for the moment Jake wasn't interested in electronics. All he wanted was Dirk, well, he wanted to eat him. Dirk removed his shoes and socks, getting those soaked with saliva was basically hell. Jake picked him up, which he always did like Dirk weighed nothing, and held him over head, making a show of licking his lips and stretching his jaw wide. 

This time he wrapped his tongue around one of Dirk's legs to guide the human into his mouth. Since the situation wasn't desperate he could slowly swallow his friend, and savor every sweet stretching sensation (please clap at my alliteration). All too soon but also finally, Dirk's hands disappeared into his throat and the lump in his chest stopped growing. He looked full and felt full. And he leaned up against a tree, sighing. 

Laying a hand over his stomach he could feel movement as Dirk tried to get comfortable in the confined space.

"Dirk?" Jake said.

"What is it?" The naga's pulse had increased. 

"Don't freak out" Jake just didn't feel like trying to explain would do any good.

What was with the naga? Was something wrong? Punched the fleshy wall in front of him, "hey are you alright?" In answer the muscles around him seemed to get mad. They stiffened and then started pressing down around him in a rolling motion, this was deliberate. But he didn't freak out until he started to move, to be pulled, feet first, downward, through the pyloric sphincter. This could not be good, how could Jake tell him not to freak out when it seemed like his "friend" was actually going to eat him for real. 

"Jake don't do this! Stop!"

Jake wasn't listening to him. Dirk tried to pull his feet free, but the seal around it was tight, so he tried to brace himself against the walls. That was completely useless, there was no room and he slipped, and he was half inside Jake's stomach, which was shrinking, and half, he didn't want to think about it. Wherever the rest of his body was, he could barely move, no matter how much he thrashed his legs. Oh god he was up to his neck! And soon he was no longer in Jake's stomach.

Where was he? His heart was racing, he was lying flat on his face, but he could just breathe. And he was no longer moving. The flesh around him was cooler, but slimier, rougher. He tried to pull his knees up to his chest, that was manageable, there was a bit more room than before. He could feel Jake's pulse, still fast. Ok so maybe he wasn't being eaten. 

Sitting up Jake massaged his lower stomach, which started where his human half ended. He could feel Dirk there, safe, if not to happy with him. These were the feelings he had been missing by keeping Dirk in his upper half. The feeling of large prey moving deeper into his body, becoming his. Pizza didn't feel like that, it wasn't solid enough. Dirk was, even if he barley produced a bulge in his body. 

"Jake what the fuck did you do, where the fuck am I?"

"My lower stomach!" Jake answered extremely cheerily. 

"Alright, a little warning next time would be nice, and just make sure I don't slip any further!"

A second stomach. God damn nagas. 

"You know I can't get pizza from inside you?" Dirk said after five minutes. 

"Nice try, I don't need pizza right now. I was thinking of trying out my, what did you call it? My iPad!"

Dirk cursed as he remembered he hadn't set a password. He could hear muffled sounds of Jane Crocker's theme song from above him, and he resigned himself to take a nap, since he had to be awake later when cycling home. 

His last thought before falling asleep was that he should invest in a waterproof case for his phone.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! please comment! (you know you can do so anonymously here? hello!)


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